Addie's Phone Calls

Trying to explain death to a 2 1/2 year old is not easy. The permanence is a difficult thing for Addie to understand...if GG's not here, where is she? I was young when my mom died, but I was seven, I understood what death meant so my own experience isn't completely applicable in trying to help Addie.

Four or five days after GG died, Addie had a major breakdown. She cried ALL the way home from my sister-in-law's house. A pathetic, sad, awful cry. I called Wil from the car to let him know I needed him to come home from studying. Addie needed a parent...a whole parent...to herself...not one trying to feed two babies and get them ready for bed.

Wil wasn't home yet when we got to the house. She sat on the couch and cried while I brought the babies in...then they cried until Wil got home while I took care of Addie (have I mentioned there is almost ALWAYS someone crying in my house?).

In her most accusing voice she asked me, "Where's Daddy?" It all came flooding back - my seven-year-old fear of someone else dying and leaving me. I remember my grandma telling me how the grief counselor explained it was important to always be on time to pick me up places because I would get scared when she wasn't there that she had died to.

I quickly explained that Daddy was just studying and would be home soon. I told her that it was okay to be sad and it was okay to miss GG...that I miss her a lot, too.

The Hospice social worker told me kids tend to blame themselves when someone dies. I remember that, too, from my seven year old self. I remember thinking if I had been brave enough to go see my mom in the hospital room after she died (I got to the hospital shortly after she died), that she would have come back to life for me; that she would have woken up. I guess more applies than I realize. So I told Addie that it wasn't anything that she did or that I did or that Daddy did. That GG's body was just old and sick and tired and it stopped working. That her spirit went to live with Jesus and Heavenly Father.

Addie was worried that GG was sad and crying. Wil and I explained that she probably misses us, but that she's very happy and that she gets to see my mommy and GG's mommy and that she was so excited to see them again. Addie told me that GG was very mad. No, sweetheart, she's so very happy, I promise!

So now, Addie tells me that GG went to live with Jesus and that she's happy. She asks me to watch GG's pictures (a dvd slideshow of pictures that my aunt made for the funeral) on a regular basis. And she "talks" to GG on the phone...almost every day. I'm not sure if I should be worried about that or not, but I think it's good for her right now. She had her longest "conversation" ever with GG today on the phone. She told her all about going to the fair with my aunt and uncle yesterday. How she saw the animals and the pig and played games and painted. She talked to her about Jesus. Told her she was playing and watching Cinderella. She made plans to go to lunch and then to the store, Addie asked GG to get her hot dogs and spaghetti.  She ended with "Love you, too. I wanna go play," put the phone back on the counter in the kitchen and ran off to play.

How I love my daughter and her sweet innocence, and what I wouldn't give to have that phone number!